The Gift That Keeps On Giving
Roy Collette and his brother-in-law have been exchanging the same
pair of pants as a Christmas present for 11 years-- and each time
the package gets harder to open. This year the pants came wrapped
in a car mashed into a 3-foot cube. The trousers are in the glove
compartment of a 1974 Gremlin. Now Collette's plotting his revenge
-- if he can get them out.
It all started when Collette received a pair of moleskin trousers
from his brother-in-law, Larry Kunkel of Bensenville, Illinois.
Kunkel's mother had given her son the britches when he was a college
student. He wore them a few times, but they froze stiff in cold
weather and he didn't like them. So he gave them to Collette.
Collette, who called the moleskins "miserable," wore them three
times, then wrapped them up and gave them back to Kunkel for
Christmas the next year.
The friendly exchange continued routinely until Collette twisted the
pants tightly, stuffed them into a 3-foot-long, 1-inch wide tube and
gave them back to Kunkel. The next Christmas, Kunkel compressed the
pants into a 7-inch square, wrapped them with wire and gave the
"bale" to Collette. Not to be outdone, the next year Collette put
the pants into a 2-foot-square crate filled with stones, nailed it
shut, banded it with steel and gave the trusty trousers back to
Kunkel.
The brothers agreed to end the caper if the trousers were damaged.
But they were as careful as they were clever.
Kunkel had the pants mounted inside an insulated window that had a
20-year guarantee and shipped them off to Collette. Collette broke
the glass, recovered the trousers, stuffed them into a 5-inch coffee
can and soldered it shut. The can was put in a 5-gallon container
filled with concrete and reinforcing rods and given to Kunkel the
following Christmas. Two years ago, Kunkel installed the pants in a
225 pound homemade steel ashtray made from 8-inch steel casings and
etched Collette's name on the side. Collette had some trouble
retrieving the treasured trousers, but succeeded without burning
them with a cutting torch.
Last Christmas, Collette found a 600-pound safe and hauled it to
Viracon Inc. in Owatonna, where the shipping department decorated it
with red and green stripes, put the pants inside and welded the safe
shut. The safe was then shipped to Kunkel, who is the plant manager
for Viracon's outlet in Bensenville.
Last week, the pants were trucked to Owatonna, 55 miles south of
Minneapolis, in a drab green, 3-foot cube that once was a car with
95,000 miles on it. A note attached to the 2,000-pound scrunched
car advised Collette that the pants were inside the glove
compartment. "This will take some planning," Collette said.
"I will definitely get them out. I'm confident." But he's waiting
until January to think about how to recover the bothersome britches.
"Wait until next year," he warned. "I'm on the offensive again."
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