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| :: Humor: Baked Beans |
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Baked Beans
Once upon a time there lived a man who had a maddening passion for baked beans. He loved them, he adored them, he yearned for them. But they always caused him a great deal of embarrassment shortly after eating them. The reaction of his body to the beans was swift and terrible to behold.
One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he realized she might be even more embarrassed and humiliated by his addiction to baked beans. He decided to make the supreme sacrifice and give up his beloved baked beans. A short time later they were married.
Some months later, on his way home from work, his car broke down. He was not too far from home so he decided to leave the car and walk the rest of the way. He called his wife and told her he would be late because he had to walk home.
On the way, he passed a small roadside café and the overwhelming smell of baked beans drifted to his nostrils. He still had several miles to go, and decided that he could walk off any ill-effects before reaching home. Before he knew it, he had eaten three large plates of baked beans. So all the way home he putt-putted. By the time he reached the front door, he felt reasonably safe that he had putted his last putt.
His wife threw open the door and excitedly exclaimed, "Darling, I have made the most wonderful surprise dinner for you." She blindfolded him and led him to his chair at the head of the table. Just as she was ready to remove the blindfold, the phone rang. She made him vow not to touch the blindfold until she returned, then went to answer the phone.
When she had gone, he seized the opportunity, shifted his weight to one leg and loudly broke wind. It was not only loud, but as ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he took his napkin and began to fan the air vigorously about him. Things had just returned to normal when he felt another urge coming on him, so he shifted his weight to the other leg and let go again. This one was a true prize winner!
While keeping his ear on the conversation in the hall, the man went on like this for almost ten minutes until he knew the farewell meant the end of his loneliness and freedom. He placed the napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it and smiled contentedly to himself. He was the picture of innocence. When his wife returned, apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had removed the blindfold. When convinced that he hadn't, she removed the blindfold, and there sitting around the dining room table were twelve dinner guests for his surprise birthday dinner.
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